Deux pilotes d'hélicoptère perdus par le brouillard et la pluie ne retrouve pas la direction de l'héliport...
Les instruments sensibles sont déboussolés...

Le copilote : Mais comment va t'on faire ???

pilote : Il me semble avoir vu un immeuble sur notre gauche à 9h

Se rapprochant de l'immeuble...
Les deux comparses se mettent à gesticuler pour alerter les personnes dans l'immeuble...
Une personne les apperçoit !

la personne : QUI Y A T'IL ?

pilote : NOUS NE SAVONS PAS OÙ NOUS SOMMES !

la personne : Ah !? DANS UN HÉLICOPTÈRE !!!!

le copilote : oÔ

pilote : MERCI !!!

copilote : C'est tout ?

pilote : Ben oui c'est l'immeuble de Microsoft. Leur réponse est techniquement vraie mais complètement à côté de la plaque...

Ils rentrent.... :-)


Software is like sex !
It's better when it's Free !

Poste le Thursday 7 December 2006 19:54:18

Il y a la même sur les mathématiciens.

--
On ne prête qu’aux riches, et on a bien raison, parce que les autres remboursent difficilement.
-+- Tristan Bernard (1866-1947) -+-

Poste le Friday 8 December 2006 06:51:02

Le code source de Windoze 95

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Win95(tm)
*/

#include "stdio.h"
#include "dos.h"
#include "conio.h"
#include "win31.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"

/*
Reference:
Internal memo #99281-95 from:
William H. Gates III
to:
Executive managers Win95(tm)-project

William H. Gates III wrote:
"I have serious doubts about the 'EASY' installation-definition.
It might prevent customers to think that they actually bought something
_good_. Therefore I want the installation-definition to be 'HARD'.

Carry on,
Bill
"
*/
#define INSTALL HARD

void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if(first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if(still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}

/*
Reference:
Internal memo #99683-95 from:
Executive managers Win95(tm)-project
to:
William H. Gates III

Executive managers Win95(tm)-project wrote:
"Dear Sir,
Since we have found that this last piece of code within the
'if'-statement
will never execute, we descided NOT to include it in the final code.
This way we will save atleast another 5 megabytes of consumer-diskspace!

Thank you for listening to us,
the executive managers of the
Chicago(tm)-project
"
*/
/*
if(still_not_crashed)
{
write_cheer();
finished();
}
*/
create_general_protection_fault();
}

La stratégie de Bill Gates

/*
Warning: do not compile; unpredictable results

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
*/

#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include "process.h" /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

Membre de l'APRIL « promouvoir et défendre le logiciel libre » - adhérez vous aussi! www.april.org

Poste le Friday 8 December 2006 09:19:15